June 30, 2009
moving
Dear friends and readers,
Like so many bloggers before me, I am now giving up this blog and bidding the serious outpouring of emotions, adieu.
Seeing as how I am now in a little sliver of spotlight (as big a sliver as a journalist can be), I feel that it isn’t as safe a space for me as before–not that it was ever safe to begin with. Guess I’m better off compiling my jumbled thoughts in a bound journal, as I did when I was a mere lass of nine 🙂
But fret not, I have not departed forever–I am now keeping a blog with a dear friend about our addiction to dresses (tee hee!) at Frocking Around (guess who came up with the name?!).
If you really want to read serious stuff, I write for the website of a Malaysian business/financial/politics daily. I shall name no names but leave you to figure it out for yourself (via Google, of course).
It has been a journey, but like all journeys do they eventually come to a stop somewhere. Is it permanent? Who knows 🙂
xx
M
April 26, 2009
just. breathe.
One wishes to be still, one wishes to be free.
Canon EOS Kiss, Bukit Tabur, Melawati, Kuala Lumpur.
***
It’s been hectic for the past few weeks. You have no idea!
I remember overhearing my colleagues talking about how it’s a bad sign when you start off blog posts with apologies for not having blogged–one colleague rubbished this saying it’s a person’s prerogative to blog. I suppose I agree to some extent; the other part of me feels bad. But I feel bad about everything so often I guess it’s just me!
Some brief updates. I’m settling into my new job (as an ‘Assistant Producer’, sounds ambiguous hey? I basically produce content for a news site–writing, editing audio, uploading pictures), the routine and the demands–I won’t lie, it’s been rough going. For several reasons, of course–but mainly, I imagine it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a journalist; I built up this image in my head, and it’s almost nothing like what I expected it to be.
Of course it’s challenging and you never know what each day brings, but it’s also frustrating when you can’t even meet up with your parents whom you’ve not seen in over a month simply because you’re busy, or so worn out you’re passed out in bed by 9pm–yes, even on weekends!
I’ve also found it rough not having time to myself, to just do the things I like doing, like lazing in bed with a book (that doesn’t happen to be related to politics, or how to be a better writer, or other serious stuff!), writing for the pure joy of it, or spending hours on Skype with T–but I guess those are luxuries I should’ve known I’d have to give up at some point or another.
Another challenging thing about the job is the fact that there’s SO MUCH out there to know! It seems so ‘duh’ but hot damn there really is a lot to learn, from issues that have been plaguing the country or companies for the last 20 years, to latest developments by the hour. There’s also so many techniques to try out, a format to follow, and of course, the incredibly tough task of finding my voice. I’m also mentally structuring blog posts in my head–argh!Â
The thing about me is that I don’t always know what I want, from life, or work–I think I am quite easy-going and will flow in whatever direction I’m taken in–but I do know what I don’t want. I am quite certain about that. While I’m still discovering what I don’t want, I’m also marveling at the things that I never thought I wanted but am enjoying (to differing degrees) all the same–like writing about politics! Haha. It’s really daunting, I won’t lie–but at the same time it’s new, and I like new things!
Anyhoo, cryptic work-speak aside, I am trying to maintain some semblance of a life outside the office–I think I haven’t reached the levels of ‘officetication’ (as opposed to ‘domestication’) some of my colleagues have! I meet up regularly with my girls (and guys) on Fridays after work, where we all bitch and gripe about work and make fun of each other 😛 The weekends are of course devoted to the kids at the shelter, some weekend events that are vaguely work-related, and regular household things like chores or bringing my gran out grocery shopping.
Speaking of the kids at the shelter, I am in complete awe. Just yesterday I realised how much they’ve all grown–as we have–they are older, taller, more talkative, more quiet, more contemplative, more complex. It’s been two years since we first met the kids, and they’ve become part of my life–I feel old now!Â
A dear friend has also just given birth to a healthy and beautiful baby boy last week. She’s overseas now, but I can’t wait to see her and the baby. We’ve been in and out of touch for several months, and it would be good to catch up and hear about what’s changed and what hasn’t.Â
Hearing about friends getting married and having babies has of course set me off–by now I’m sure you would have gathered that I am engaged to be married (but when, is the million-dollar question! LOL! That’s what you get when you have two Pisceans in a relationship–you know that you’re meant to be together but the mudane details escape you. Like the question of being in different countries and time zones!). I admit I do want to set up house and those things, but at the same time I want to do so much more!
Ah, me. Always so impatient. And that’s the thing I’m trying to remind myself of now–to just breathe, take each moment as I live it. You always want what you can’t have–it’s part of being human, I gues–but like I said, while I don’t know what I want I do know what I don’t want.
And I don’t want to be one of those people who forget the simple pleasures and joys that make life truly worth living, just for the sake of money and prestige. Ha! What an odd position for a supposedly hard-nosed inquisitive journo-type person to be taking.
 But this is me–all of me that is idealistic and romantic and emotional– and I am happiest when I am me, as complex and confusing as I am. While some things can be dissected and analysed to death, I think I like knowing or feeling that others can’t be–it makes me feel more human in times when I can’t even remember to breathe.
September 26, 2008
on catching the disease
Speckled emerald envy green.
Canon EOS Kiss, Aunt’s house in Bukit Jelutong.
***
I reckon it’s like an epidemic or something, the moment mid-semester (or in the case of Semester 2 at the university I happen to be enrolled at (I’m not typing in names because I know they monitor students’ blogs)) borderline-end-of-the-semester break swings around, there is a flurry of blog/Facebook activity as people scurry to do anything but work.
I usually manage to (smugly) abstain but it appears that this time around I am not vaccinated against this…plague.
Hence, blogging, as opposed to editing my thesis (I swear, I open my document, take one look at it, and…blech).
Yesterday I gave up on work (after spending most of the morning chatting to my lovely friend P in NZ) to go ‘window shopping’ (at least that was the objective). Right. Let’s say I did not end up with windows.
Um.
What have I been up to.
The rapporteuring was one.
The shopping, another.
Um.
My brother won us free tickets to the premiere for Eagle Eye (which I know sounds like a totally snore-inducing war movie type thing, but it’s not!)–which was actually really enjoyable save for the ending, which totally killed it for me *curls upper lip in sneer*.
But why it resonated with me was because it echoed themes of panopticonism (Hail Bentham! Hail Foucault!) and…er…agency. (Yes, I do realise like what a dork I sound like.) And from my paltry understanding of Bruno Latour’s Actor-Network-Theory, it also made me think of a case of an actor gone wrong.
Right!
So now clearly I am put to sleep by notions of war movies and loudly exploding things, but not by French theorists. Hm.
Anyhoo I thought it was pretty scary, and made me think about really, how easy it is to collect information about people these-a-days. All that data collection when you sign up for blogs, social network sites, emails, competitions…we’re actually offering ourselves for information-mining and that.
This is the second movie of this sort I’ve seen this year, surrounding themes of surveillance; the first one was a French flick I saw at Cineleisure called Mr.Average, which was sort of like a Truman Show taken to the extreme. Like capitalism/commodification/product placement overdrive.
Am also pleased to announce that am slowly inundating my 14 year-old brother with seeds of cultural critique. I’m teaching him how to critique films, songs, TV shows…:D And I’m turning him into a quasi-feminist, or to be as feminist as a 14 year-old boy can be without putting his fledging masculinity at stake! Huzzah.
Though honestly, I really do forget he’s only 14 at times. He speaks as articulately and intelligently as any 18 year-old I’ve met, in fact, if I were to compare my sib here with any one of my students (especially on a bad day like today where instructions are clearly written on the board but I can still be misunderstood, hufff!) I’d not hesitate to put them at the same levels of maturity. I reckon my sib knows more about politics than they do, which is absolutely ridiculous given how they are journalism students. Roar.
From a roar to a grin.
The boyfriend rang me a few minutes ago to tell me that his new microwave has a ‘Power/Melody’ button. Apparently you can change the beeping at the end of each session (ranging from mildly annoying to extremely annoying, I imagine), and he just had to call to tell me that.
Power/Melody reminds me of times where I’d have two (or three) cups of espresso when I was back in C’hill on rainy evenings to keep warm, and I’d be literally bouncing off the walls. I think the boyfriend was terribly exasperated (and not to mention annoyed, and I sympathise–I imagine it’s hard to watch TV when your girlfriend is power-cleaning everything around you) and might have contemplating sitting on me a few times just to get me to stop moving (or talking) like the Energizer bunny on speed.
He’s a sweetheart though. And it’s all good because we continually amuse each other and will hopefully continue to do so for a good many years to come 🙂
Right!
I have successfully procrastinated for about an hour and a half since lunch. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open and am scoffing Kinder Bueno non-stop (had a mad unexplainable craving for it yesterday so I bought three packets!) and could really do with a nap now. Maybe some work after this?
Right.
Before I go, I simply must say how I am completely (hazel)nut(ty) over the online vintage/shopping stores. But not those with horrible language skills attempting at passing for English (shock and horror), but those with incredibly artistic (or Photoshopped, but that still calls for high levels of artistic talent, mind you!) photographs. Modepass.com is an amazing site and I could (and do) spend hours trawling the site and ogling pretty dresses and shoes and handbags, and oh, you get the picture.
Right.
Work now.
(Riiiiiight).
August 19, 2007
musical interlude
I just streamed the video of one of my fave songs of the moment–Peter, Bjorn & John’s Young Folks featuring Victoria Bergsman. It’s extremely addictive and trippy; and brings back fab memories because I first heard it in Melbourne after I ripped it off James’ Ministry of Sound Chillout Sessions CD, and again when I went for Twilight Actiongirl at The Loft on my first outing with the uni classmates *heart*, a repeat event which seems highly unlikely due to various reasons :(.
Love love love.
Just thought I’d share 🙂 And woots! In case you hadn’t noticed, my first YouTube upload to this blog! *looks proud of self*
The lyrics also make me think of Tim, in a good way 🙂 So if he happens to read this (highly doubtful as he is currently superstressed over his assignment)…this is for you babe, I love you *:)
unchained melody 