March 12, 2009

on how i didn’t know what i wanted till i didn’t want it

Posted in Poetry at 12:05 am by meldee

cryptic wings adrift

beating upon smokescreen flesh

drink me whole till death.


my soundless soul waits

covered with magnesium

steal those kisses cool.


glints of irony

barbed wire stings through the night

silicone tears fall.


broken fingers lie

draw blanks in my empty cup

sucked in by the light.


October 3, 2008

on silence and tears

Posted in Love and Relationships, Poetry at 6:31 pm by meldee

Stwilight trolls.

Canon EOS Kiss, Arab Street, Singapore.


Last night after the strangest combination of Mama Mia! and A Love Song for Bobby Long (with John Travolta and Scarlett Johanssen) I fell asleep with the strangest thing in mind.

Perhaps not so strange, given how in A Love Song John Travolta’s character Bobby Long, a fallen-from-grace English professor keeps spouting random sayings from literary greats, and my (former) great love for curling up in bed with a fat book of romantic poetry and commit the ones I found most beautiful to memory.

I fell asleep with Lord Byron’s poem When We Two Parted on my mind.

An incredibly sad, poignant poem that seemed to echo my feelings completely through a previous breakup. Doesn’t help that I’m a bit of a sucker for Lord Byron’s poetry. I think I might look for a volume of poetry tonight and have that as my bedtime treat.

Ennio Morricone’s Cinema Paradiso piano solo isn’t helping my current mood (stressed, frustrated, upset, moody) very much either.


When We Two Parted – Lord Byron

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.



August 28, 2008

on light

Posted in Poetry, Strange Feelings at 10:50 am by meldee

I’m true blue and mellow yellow.

Canon EOS Kiss, Gurney Drive, Penang.


light hear/ted

am i not/ing

flickers of pain/full

rejoi/sing along to my

wishful song, i wish

i could be (f)old/ed

int(w)o stars and fly

night sky and smile

(just for a while)

and moon/beam down

laced in dreams

of senseless schemes

i am a clo(w)ne

duplicitous drone

of light.

July 8, 2008

on you

Posted in Poetry at 10:19 am by meldee

Draped and waiting.

Taken with my Canon EOS KISS, M.University Cultural Night.


words sail on a velvet dream

sailing on a dream of velvet words.

i am dreaming of velveteen sails

forward, onward on sails of velvet.

my dreams a foreword of velvet folds

selling souls and soup and crushed—

–crushed vulgar dreams blanket my soul

curling words on a serpentine tongue lashing—

–eyelashes fall like vicious violet teardrops

crushing dreams on a rumpled stained gown.

i dream of words, vulgar, violent, velvet, sailing on skin

your words sailing on my velvet dreams.

March 4, 2008


Posted in Poetry, Random Ramblings at 11:24 am by meldee

late/ly i


cookie-dough on chippendale desks

a-waiting for a


time/ly change

beeps wake me

words a-dancing a-cross

a-pathy a-rising




on something false. or true?

i think and


slow/ly act

a-ppaled at apples

snap out of syndromes

internalised pain.pan.ic.pan.dem.ic


blank/ly i

forget how to use my hands

a mind un-mine

slip under a seaweed blanket


smug/ly i

curl toes and thumbs


basking in a fluorescent glow


snug/ly i

crawl beyond dreams


solace in a smile.



October 16, 2007

rumbly grumbly rainstorms

Posted in I Wonder..., Poetry at 9:35 pm by meldee

I love the rain. I know it’s quite barmy considering how much I bitch when this time of the year swings round about not being able to do my work (especially tasks that require me to be online), when terrible thunderstorms strike from about 2pm-6pm—Subang being the iron-rich area that it is, my modem’s been struck by lightning twice already so when the storms hit I immediately unplug all things electrical and either work on my laptop with the battery reserves, or curl up in bed with my books.

I was in uni today collecting my assignments for both Sharon’s subjects when the storm struck. As I had offered Kathia my umbrella services (I had a rare smart moment, grabbing the brolly when I was accompanying Dahlia on a smoko break near the smelly giant drain), she being the rain-hater (“the thought of a single raindrop on me, *shudder*”—heh!) that she is, took me up on the offer of Johnny Bravo’s (that’s me brolly! For obvious reasons—it’s got Johnny Bravo on it. Methinks my mum has Dexter) rain shielding properties.

I happily splish-splashed my way with her to the carpark, taking off my spanking new strappy red espadrilles and swinging them round, actually enjoying the rain, to her horror. I dunno why, there’s always something about rain that makes me happy. I love the way the wind lashes at me, the way the raindrops kiss my skin, the feel of water between my toes. If I were a fish (literally), I’d wriggle my fins in glee.


There was an Honours briefing session prior, which I attended with Cheryl Dunn, Dahlia and Divya—there were also two first years who came along (good grief, talk about getting a head start! Not to scare you kids, but survive MCP, CCP and Authorship first before you even seriously contemplate taking on a fourth year!). Of course, there was the free lunch, which is always worth a go for 🙂

Also helped that my academic crush was there! *twinkletoes* I’ve decided maybe I don’t like him so much today because although he has nice facial hair *nudges Tem*, he wore these absolutely feral slippers. Yaagh. What is it with my academic crushes (there was one in first year, but every other female was also possibly crushing on him, too) and feral footwear!

Thank God, also, my boyfriend has good fashion sense. Though yes there have been times when I want to completely undress him (ooh la la!) to redress him because his clothes don’t fit anymore—he’s lost a shitload of weight since I left, and is really fit now (with muscles…*drool*) but this means all his clothes hang off him! I need to be his little personal shopper when he gets here, note to self.

But yes, rara-ramblings aside, I am seriously contemplating just screwing the Masters option and doing my Honours year—because, dahling, let’s face it, my chances at getting a scholarship (80%-100% summore, naaah!) are pretty dang good. I’ve raked in all HD’s so far for all the assignments I’ve gotten back (and this will hopefully remain constant!) so I reckon I stand a really good chance at doing my Honours for really cheap, if not for free, as since my dad’s company subsidises 50% of my fees, or RM6,000, whichever is less.

Plus I’ll be able to still live at home, help consolidate parental funds, and actually earn more money via freelancing, or tutoring, if I am up to par.

Plus really sink my teeth into the wonderful theories my poor brain has been lambasted with over the last three years, and put it all into practice with fieldwork and stuff!

Plus, if I do super well, there is of course the opportunity to fast track on to a PhD.! Of course, all this is waaaaaay too daunting to be thinking about now, needless to say the parents are thrilled—good old mum wants me to continue the legacy of academia she imagines she’s leaving behind, heh.

So…yeah, woots. Another year put off, from entering the workforce. I am such a wuss.


I’m glad it’s rainstorm season because I’ve finally checked three books out of the library that I’ve been dying to read for the longest time:

1. Vernon God Little, by DBC Pierre

2. A Pale View of Hills, by Kazuo Ishiguro

3. The Remains of the Day, by Kazuo Ishiguro


Books + rich coffee + James Morrison on my iPod = Perfection.

Thunder and threaten and terrorise all you want, tropical storm! I am well prepared.



sinking in skin

drip. drizzle. drain

dancing delicious

waterproof wanderlust

puddles pools precious

sloshing soles skip

tremulous trickles

divine droplets

i love

August 15, 2007

of dreamers

Posted in I Wonder..., Poetry, Random Ramblings, Reads at 4:20 pm by meldee

I just sent this email to a close friend of mine, and I thought I’d share it with you. It’s an excerpt taken from a chapter of the thoughts and reflections of my favourite author. Just a reminder to keep hope alive, in the spirit of the previous post 🙂


“A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals.

The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses upon her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.

One night, the moon, who knew of the rose’s loneliness, asked: “Aren’t you tired of waiting?”

“Possibly, but I have to keep trying.”


“Because if I don’t remain open, I will simply fade away.”

At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.”

– Paulo Coelho, (2007), “Remaining Open to Love”, Like The Flowing River: Thoughts and Reflections, Harper Collins Publishers, London, p.222


Ahem. Pardon the Harvard referencing,  I am currently doing much research into my major project for my Consuming Otherness: Gender and Global Culture unit.

On that note, which may be a bit jarring considering my posts lately have been in a very touchy-feely-emo-emo mood, I’m looking for potential interviewees for my project. I can’t (and won’t) expressly say what it’s about (PLAGIARISM! *guards skeleton of research project jealously*), but basically I’m looking to interview people (guys and girls alike) in the Klang Valley who grew up reading Archie Comics.

Heh, yes, laugh all you want, but I swear my paper will have a serious dimension *mysterioso grins*. It’s a 3000-word paper ok, and I’m doing it at third year level, so it’s bound to be something serious. Anyway, I’m almost always serious *deadpans*.


arrogant, I
am a Moving
piEce of your imagination.


 (I love postmodern poetry)


June 8, 2007

silent heart

Posted in Poetry at 3:14 pm by meldee

Silent heart
Do you beat for me?
Crave every glance
Take any chance
To approach my own
Silent heart
I wonder if you feel
The way I do
Beat timorously
Longing to escape
To be entwined with my
Silent heart
What is within?
Are you broken
Hiding words unspoken
Afraid to love
Be loved by another
Silent heart
You speak not
I pretend
Not to know
This feeling grows
Between our
Silent hearts.


ZOMG. Supre Online, you will be the death of me.

May 27, 2007

the devil’s dance

Posted in Poetry at 1:39 pm by meldee

Thread your fingers through my hair
Pull back gently, piercing stare
Put your lips close to my ear
Tell me you will always be near.

Hold the blade close to my veins
Make me call You by Your many names
Scrape fingers against alabaster skin
Incantations repeated, command sin.

Flames alight in your midnight eyes
Cover my mouth, stifle my cries
Coerce me to fulfil your every desire
Your icy touch burns like fire.

Your words grate like iron on steel
As you move me to do what you feel
I am disappearing into the trance
As you lead me in this morbid dance.

Whirl me around the burning floor
My limbs and mind are not mine anymore
Dip me, swirl me, torch my dress
My tears are falling but you could not care less.

Resistence is futile, you whisper sweet
You rip my heart and throw it at my feet
Laughter resounds, filling the hall
You want me, have me, completely, all.

We move to a rhythm as old as time
Requiring neither reason nor rhyme
Why I do exactly what you want
Beautifully evoke my hatred dormant.

You are evil, my darker side
Lust, sloth, envy, gluttony, pride
Indulgences in which I should not partake
I am afraid my spirit you will break.

Moments of weakness, I am yours
Caresses, dulcet voice, tender force
You know I want to experience all this
To lose myself in your deathly kiss.

It’s been so long. I very quickly–and very often–forget how much pleasure simple scribblings gives me. Yes, at times like these when I should be productive (academically, thank you), instead of doing work, I decide to tap into my creative side.