February 1, 2008

sign for safety/ hunting for equal footing

Posted in Friends, Happenings, Sad Stuff, Social Responsibility According to Me at 11:16 am by meldee

There’s been a lot going on lately, which while I suppose hardly counts as a valid excuse for not updating my blog regularly, is a truism. I am often drained after work, and can hardly muster the energy to go out with friends, let alone blog.

First of all, as some of you may have read, a friend of mine tragically lost his girlfriend, and many others lost a good friend who was respected and admired, in a bus crash that shouldn’t have happened.

Read more, and sign the petition to up the safety ante of especially those who take long-haul bus trips at Bus Crash No More, a blog/information centre started by friends and sympathisers of those who perished in the crash.

My heartfelt condolences go out to friends and families of the victims, and all those who have ever lost someone they knew in a road accident due to someone else’s negligence.


On another note, while undoubtedly not as somber, some of you may know that I am now working on a temporary basis at a women’s NGO in PJ. While I’ll admit it’s not as stuffy and stoic as I thought it would be, it’s also extremely draining due to the constant rejection I’ve been getting while making requests for sponsorship for our fund-raiser.

All I can say is, if you believe that Malaysia still has a long way to go in terms of men and women competing and being respected as equals; if you believe in the elimination of violence against women; if you believe that obscure laws that discriminate against women need to be changed; if you believe that women and families in crisis need to be helped and have someone to turn to; if you believe that education is the best long-term solution out of these issues…

Please support AWAM’s endeavours to raise funds to sustain their many services to the community. For the past 20 years, they have been behind the scenes, quietly and sometimes, not-so quietly bringing about the changes that we need and so easily take for granted.

The fund-raiser to be held is also in conjunction with International Women’s Day on March 8th, aptly themed ‘Financing for Equality’.

Find more details at the AWAM website, or alternatively, check out the Facebook Events page.

Many thanks.



September 29, 2007

the emo post pt. II

Posted in Sad Stuff at 6:19 pm by meldee

Have sunk to levels of low beyond low with regards to depression and general all-round feelings of deflated-ness.

But though it all I try to comfort myself knowing that I’ve made a major sacrifice and am mature enough to reach a compromise with the people I love most. This step has been the hardest, ever, so far. But I also have to admit I have been selfish, and childish, so I’m trying to grow up and be brave about it.

I’m not happy about it though, of course.

The one thing I’ve been striving for all year, ever since I got on the plane there to come home, has been the faith that we will see each other again.

No, I’m not going to Melbourne after all. (if you haven’t already deduced as much, I shall spell it out)

Don’t ask me why, or laugh at me and say ‘I told you so’, or worst of all, leave pitying comments for me, anywhere. Please. It’s hard enough swallowing this harsh reality as it is. Encouraging comments…*sigh* if you really must, and thank you though; I’m not trying to be ungrateful or anything but just after all the hope I’ve been building up, the plans, the things, the people…too many reminders, too many disappointments 😦 It’s all come crashing down now and I feel like somebody’s jabbed me with a giant needle and let all the air, hopes, dreams come gushing out.

But I take solace in the fact that this only affirms the fact how much we want to be together and care for each other, that if such hurdles can be faced head-on and dealt with as gracefully as possible, we can and will be able to make it through much tougher times because God knows, there will be many.

I am heartbroken, but what doesn’t kill only makes one stronger.

And yes, I have already gotten my ticket. Yes, everything was planned out and paid for. Even his parents knew of our plans. Yes, I know, Phantom *closes eyes and takes deep calming breath*. Fourth time’s the charm, maybe? Four’s always been my lucky number.

Four. Sei. Die.

Exactly what I feel like curling up into a ball and doing right this very second.

August 22, 2007

the emo post

Posted in Love and Relationships, Sad Stuff at 10:00 pm by meldee

Yeah, yeah, shaddap.

I know it’s really cliche and shit but long distance relationships really suck balls ok, even that’s a bloody understatement.

I miss Tim a whole lot. I get comfort at night from rotating my pillow and cuddling up to it imagining I’m snuggled up on his chest the way I used to always fall asleep.

In my mind we’re back together after a long day at work/uni, the dishes are all done and the washing’s out; our imaginary future puppy is asleep at the foot of our bed and we have the weekend to look forward to; of scanning catalogues and making shopping lists and going out and buying stuff, me being all “No, no, we have a budget” and him sweet talking me into allowing the budget to stretch across a few luxury items like some yummy chocolates or a better brand of coffee…of chilling out in front of the TV watching documentaries (because we are geeks like that) and eating every half-hour…*sigh*

I’ve done this every night for the past 7 months.

He told me of a song that reminded him of us, and watching the YouTube vid I obviously burst into tears—by the way, the world suddenly makes sense again, I have been cantankerous as all fuck because my period came! I forgot it was even due. Biological tickings aside, this one has to be watched/listened to by anyone in a long distance relationship.

Thirsty Merc – Someday, Someday.

The lead singer’s facial and mad hair remind me of Tim. Manly scruffy men, oh yum. Though clearly from my previous post I also have a thing for the clean-shaven, goody-goody….though I prefer the scruffy, suffering, passionate artist 🙂 I’m a romantic, so shoot me.

But oh gosh, the lyrics. My fave part?

“I know you gotta go to university and I’m just trying to make some cash to follow my dreams.
But please don’t say we’re too busy to give each other the time and support we need
I know we gotta work our jobs and make some money to get by in this expensive world.
Don’t let that overtake the fact that before all that, you were still my girl.”

Another LDR song has to be that Plain White T’s song Hey There Delilah, introduced to me by Jo and now playing on all local radio stations.

I’ve put on my Ranty Pants now, so brace yerselves.

I hate the distance. I hate the time difference and the international calling costs. I hate not having him here with me to expertly maneuver the terrible traffic, and make me laugh, and always know what to do when the shit hits the fan. I hate smug mushy couples who canoodle and cuddle and coo around me, I feel like whipping out a gun and wrapping a bandanna around my head and going berserk. I hate the fact that I hate not being able to be happy for others, because my heart is so broken that I just can’t—I’m too jealous.

Above all, I hate the fact that this may have to go on for another year or two while I get my work experience and save up enough money to be able to go back to Australia and while he finishes his degree so we can finally move on with our lives together.

Damn depressing ok 😦

Especially since we both want nothing more than to come home to each other at the end of the day and just be….because last summer was possibly the most perfect time of both our lives. It was such a sweet taste of what life together could be like, and we were both craving more. I know it’s not always going to be sunshine and roses, but we stuck it out through hell and high waters; there’s got to be something to be said about an emotional perseverance of that sort!

I miss waking up to his smile. I miss the impetuous hugs and kisses, the way he’d look at me and I’d feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss the really really daft moments we had, and the couply things we’d do like to grocery shopping, or delegate things in the bathroom to clean; him with his bandanna and board shorts, and me with my Ah Lian hair and pink rubber gloves.


I’m sorry. Am Perioding. Not that I’m trying to make excuses for plain bad behaviour, but it has been scientifically proven that a woman’s hormones go wonky at this time of the month.

*scuffs shoes on ground and looks morose*

By the way I completely don’t want to work ok. Like, not at all. I want to be a housewife. Fuck this degree, I want to stay home and watch bad daytime television and compulsively clean everything and occasionally write pretty poems for fancy and do charity or social work and not have to worry about money or taxes or climbing that fucking corporate ladder (fuck corporations! Yaaaaaaaggghhhhh!).

I am a disgrace to all quasi-feminists and full-blown feminists out there and again, this deeply distresses me. I’m sorry, world. I’m sorry I got born.

*wallows in festering pit of self-pity*


By the way! Have been shortlisted for *snigger* wait for it, MISS MONASH. I think I’m representing the Arts faculty (bloody hell Rachel, I know you’re reading, this should so be you ok because you’re hot! The whole faculty thinks it, woman!), and will have to, wait for it again, campaign.

I have decided (with the added kookiness of Tems and Tasha) that if I am to perform on the night itself I shall read a deep dark poem critiquing capitalism and patriarchy and slit my wrists and have fake blood gush out and proceed to pass out on-stage. Or ok, maybe not, but something as equally as dramatic.

Even for those not intending on going for the ball, you can still vote for me in the weeks following up to it 😀

So make sure you do ok, because I am not only incredibly modest and intelligent, I am also in a Long Distance Relationship and thus deserving of all your pity votes.

And oh, also ’cause like I described myself in the interview (my God, yes, there was an interview to be shortlisted as Miss Monash!), I am totally not shy, ergo, not above asking for all Monashians to vote for me, me, me.

Also ’cause I want to have more stories to tell my grandchildren so I can be like my kooky Grandma 😀

And c’mon la, it’s my final semester. And I wanna win just cos it’ll be fun. Not because I want to wear a sash and crown and cry while I give my acceptance speech detailing how this is the happiest moment of my entire life, sob sob.

Anyone want to volunteer to be on my campaign committee?:D

Dammit this was supposed to be an Emo Post.

*scrawls on dark eyeliner and adopts apathetic expression*

Stop my breathing and slit my throat…I must be emo” – Adam & Andrew

July 19, 2007

show me the money

Posted in Random Ramblings, Sad Stuff at 12:19 am by meldee

I feel like dying.

Not that it’s that easy to die just because one’s mind is in perpetual turmoil over all matters financial and the impending (now seemingly doom-and-gloom laden) future. I swear, I have an inner Virgo (or Capricorn, or Cancer) in here somewhere, one would think I am graduating tomorrow and have been asleep under a coconut shell for the past three years.

But I haven’t been, yet, I am freaking out of my mind. The reason behind my premature and possibly completely blown-out-of-proportion reactions?

I have just discovered (yes, maybe I have been under said coconut shell in hibernation for too long) that fresh graduates in my field (and perhaps, many others) is a measly RM1,500.

That’s probably the equivalent of what a toilet cleaner earns in a developed country, and better still, the amount my boyfriend earns in a week. Upon conversion, of course. And speaking of currency conversion, what is up with the skyrocketing Ringgit-Australian Dollar exchange rates?! It used to be around 2.7, now it’s 3.04!


My forehead has been creased with worry lines for the past two hours, and I feel the beginnings of a splitting migrane forming around my grey matter, compressing it and cutting off my air supply.

I am also seriously considering selling my soul to the Dark Side–-PR, Advertising and Marketing. *cue grating Psycho-esque slasher music* Or, if I am really desperate, banking and finance.

OK, shaddap ya. I happen to have the relevant (albeit uber-basic) qualifications, and can count with the invaluable assistance of a calculator. What I do not have, however, is the passion.

I want to travel. Write. Live. Love. I want to teach, to touch lives, to bring smiles to faces, to inspire others. Problem is, I cannot do any of this without money.

Work overseas? Of course, it is naturally something I have considered, especially with Tim being in Australia. However, does anyone realise how expensive work visas are? They run into the thousands of dollars, and honey, I just don’t have that kinda cash.

Thus, I need cash to make cash, and while I desperately and totally want to work in the media, specifically, writing, I am almost fevered enough by the pursuit of money to huff, ‘fuck it!’ and schlep over into some dull, terrible, stifling, contained work environment that would probably seriously dampen my spirits and kill whatever passion I had left in life.

I cannot work 9-5 jobs. I cannot. I’d die, seriously. I am a very restless person, I get bored so easily and I need constant change and challenges, and I need to meet people. I need my random inane conversations, and to be able to express myself and to do interesting stuff, not process papers and have the highlight of my day being a congregation at the office water cooler.

I’d sooner go into PR. Heh.

Why is it so terrible, the conditions of fresh graduates in this country? I mean I understand some are not up to par la, those ones deserve to work hard. But fuck me sideways, I’ve studied my ass off in uni (I have a 77% average over 5 semesters! Gaaaaaah! That’s not easy OK let me tell you!), researched and typed and edited till I was on my deathbed, sat through classes that literally bored me to tears…I DESERVE THE MONEY.

*stalks around with mad crazed look in eyes*

Oh God, I’ve lost it. I’ve succumbed to the evil influence of the Money Monster. Listen to me, ranting and raving like a looney tune.

But seriously though, no wonder so many people are upping and leaving for greener pastures. It’s almost stupid to stay, if you look at purely monetary reasons. Reasons of sentimentality, family, patriotism and that are a little more ambiguous, and I shall decline to comment on those areas. Simply because my brain is worn out from fretting and fussing over visas and job applications and the mounting frustration that NOBODY. IN. MY. INDUSTRY. IS. HIRING.

At least not online. I know for many media companies vacancies are applied for at random. (and paying v.poorly). SIGH!

Any big media moguls out there, hire me.

*lifts arms plaintively and looks up with big, moist, pleading eyes*


Good God I need comfort food in the worst possible way right now.

June 18, 2007

i cracked.

Posted in Sad Stuff, Shopping! at 5:16 pm by meldee


Since today was the last day for me to drive the Mucus Green Shitty Manual Iswara With No Power Steering, I decided to bring my grandma out shopping 🙂 Or rather, I decided to go shopping and I dragged my grandma with me, not that she’d complain–she loves going out but nobody seems to have the patience to walk with her because she can be very…err…slow.

So I did, because I’m awesome 😀 And also cos I have an itchy backside.

Got this at Sachs—perfect for work! With my grandma goading me on about how big and practical it is, the fact that it was 70% off—RM229 down to RM68 clinched it. Whee! Er, the flowers are me trying to add ‘effect’. LOL. They were from the Kiwi on Valentine’s Day ❤

A nice enough looking top for RM23.90 at some Amour (the one in Taipan USJ 9– love that place) lookalike, called Love It. There were some really sweet looking dress/tunic type tops but my fashion advisor a.k.a. gran said it looked very Cheena. So, er. Yeah.

I only got those two things, but since I was in a photo-ey mood, I decided to go snap happy.

My cousin got this bag for me from Bangkok—bloody hell, it was only RM20! 😦 I want to go Bangkok again.

A skirt I picked up at Summit for RM10 a while back when I was doing an interview 🙂 I love fuss-free skirts like these, plus it had nice lining inside.

Oh, oh! I was so overjoyed to discover that the Parkson in Parade has a Dorothy Perkins thingie 😀 I love DP.


On a more serious note, I was just informed of a fatal shootout in Melbourne’s CBD. Read about it here. It happened this morningand was supposedly sparked off by a bar row.

My girls in Melbourne, please be careful. The gunman is still at large. Sighs. So much senseless violence out there, a life wasted in attempts to save another one. What is this world coming to :/