July 14, 2008

on rage

Posted in Strange Feelings at 9:07 pm by meldee

tangled.i.am

Canon EOS Kiss.

***

Another one of My Moments. Pure, unadulterated Arien rage.

When I feel the hot bile choking me as I draw breaths and struggle to keep my screams down.

The blood rushes to my temples and I really do believe I could seriously beat the next person that pisses me off in the very slightest way to a pulp.

My knuckles ache to bleed. Bleed to ache.

Muscles coiled, ready for anything. Waiting for an excuse to pounce and roar and fight and frighten.

I’m wound as tightly as a spring on Prozac (if you catch my drift).

I despise everything, these heinous circumstances, all that I’ve done, all that I am.

I’m scared. And angry. Unspeakably so.

What the hell am I playing at? What did I expect? Why am I being so utterly foolish? Didn’t I always know it would end up like this? I wanted it this way, didn’t I? Now I’ve got what I wanted, and the truth is, it hurts. It sucks. It’s utterly maddening and I wish I weren’t me just so I could beat myself up.

***

Then my timid fish comes out from behind the seaweed and begins to weep.

I’m sorry.

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