I actually wrote this for publication, but since it has far exceeded the usual word limit (it stands currently at 1,489 words, so bless you if you persevere throughout this article) I shall share it here. I anticipate many to have fallen asleep by the fourth paragraph, but I’m hoping you will surprise me.

I surprise even myself, when I really go off on a tangent or start rambling about something I feel strongly about.

Share with me your thoughts. Am I being unreasonable, or am I not being reasonable?

***

As a quasi-feminist currently undergoing a third-year unit in global consumption and Otherness, I am at times left wringing my hands in despair on the odd occasion when I make attempts to bring what I’ve learned in the classroom into the family living room.

Oh, not just speaking about it, of course, anyone can do that; but making actual attempts to enforce them—my parents, bless them, are learned, worldly folk who obtained their professional qualifications overseas; while I deeply admire and love them, at times they drive me stark raving mad. They are remarkably forward thinking in some ways, and in others, make me feel as if I am transported back to feudal times.

The current bone of contention in my household is the fact that I, an adult, working hard freelancing as a writer for eight solid months to scrape up enough for a return ticket to Australia to see my friends (and boyfriend) in celebration of the completion of my undergraduate degree, want to “leave home without permission” for a holiday.

My parents are very reasonable people. They can, for emotional reasons due to their acute unexplainable fondness for a prickly, cantankerous being such as myself, also be incredibly unreasonable. Please do not tell me patronizingly that they act the way they do because they love me; doubtless to say, I am aware of this—what antagonizes me is their selective approach to applying this ‘love’.

As a young woman, I see no real harm done in taking a few weeks off after completing my course of study, using hard-earned money I have saved, to go on vacation. Article 24 of the UN Declaration on Human Rights says in recognition of the limits of the human mind and body, that “Everyone has the right to rest and leisure.” Article 13 also talks about the freedom of movement, assuming one has valid corresponding paperwork: “Everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country.”

So, one might argue, what is the problem here?

I am thus being guilted (‘emotional blackmail’ is too strong a term, though with critical distance one could argue it is such) into wanting to take a vacation using my own money, at a time where I am legally and financially capable to do so. Mind you, I have not amassed a grand fortune in my pitiful bank accounts, nor am I normally the overly rebellious kind. But I am being punished for my decision and actions, and this is the point that I disagree with.

If I am faced with the prospect of such a familial uproar over me taking a holiday, what more when I choose to marry? What if it turns out that I am homosexual? What if I conceive out of wedlock, refuse an abortion, and decide to bring my child up as my own? Where then can you draw the line? Will I be punished even more severely then for my decisions? Of course, I do not doubt this for a second.

Even coming from a semi-modern Asian family where old, quaint values are (unhappily?) married to the practicalities of day-to-day living, there are still absurd and redundant rules we as children have no choice but to follow. Double-standards exist everywhere and are applied on a whim; we are left no choice but to concede when the filial piety card is played, because heaven forbid, we might be accused of being the ungrateful spawn of Satan himself.

Speak too radically against societal discourses, and one is accused of being ‘Westernised’ (oh the cardinal sin of it; when we are constantly and willingly exposed to Western ideas and discourses via Althusser’s Ideological State Apparatuses, namely law, religion, the media and one’s own family in the name of progress; should one’s ideas deviate too drastically from the Asian norm one is practically burnt at stake for it), or worse still, ‘immature and idealistic’.

The disagreement I am having with my parents thus brings to light two possibilities: one, that my parents for all their book-learning, are really close-minded conservatives who are unable to accept a universal document as applying to everyone including their beloved girl-child; or two, the UNDHR is problematic in the sense that it does not specify its scopes or limitations to include or exclude certain peoples.

My father’s argument when I informed him of the charter stating the right to travel and leisure was a terse “This only applies to working people, not those living off their parents.” At this response, I smirked internally, because I know when the family trump card is laid down, one has a fair indication that one has touched a raw nerve or made a comment there is no reply to.

But by virtue of the fact that it is called the United Nations Declaration on Human Rights, one would thus be able to deduce according to elementary logic that I am human, ergo, these rights also belong to me. Unfortunately, for most, the UNDHR remains an ideal—if such rights are a challenge to uphold even in an educated middle-class urban family like mine, what more for those in marginalised positions?

One might not hesitate to critique my navel-gazing at this stage, but I would like to impress that it is more than this. I am merely using my position and experience as a point of reference to point out the inherent contradictions we occupy in this liminal space between tradition and modernity.

I just love it how parents and those of the older generation spout such things like ‘children are the future’ and encourage us to live our dreams—so long as we obtain their stamp of approval and hand in a 24-page proposal before attempting to do so. Where then lies room for exploration of new ideas and frontiers, if we are only allowed to roam within preset boundaries?

Our Asian dilemma is an unusual one. We are thrust into the arena of the global in terms of culture and education, keeping up with the trends and current debates—yet, should something contrary to traditional values I have no idea why we cling on to with such desperation, such as embracing homosexuality, cohabitation or single motherhood arise, lips are thinned and we are grimly told that we cannot act this way, we are Asian.

Does being Asian make us any better, or worse, than anyone else out there? We are all part of one race, and that is the human race—ethnicity and difference has for far too long been used as an excuse not to take down these absurd boundaries we have erected around ourselves and our community in the name of keeping things pure.

Has it not occurred to the purists that by building these impenetratable walls around us in the name of protecting our culture and heritage, we are not only keeping others out, but ourselves in? On what basis do we pick and choose what to keep in and what to discard? Where does one draw the line between plain logic and tradition?

This leads me back to highlighting the issue of the selective embracing of the UNDHR—for as long as we cling on to ideas that we are protecting our culture and heritage and thus choosing to knowingly snub a universal charter on fundamental human rights, we cannot hope to progress mentally and emotionally. It says naught about real progress if one has only amassed a material fortune but possesses nothing in one’s head and is so closed up to new ideas.

If this matter regarding my taking a holiday causes such an uproar, what more my right to religion, marriage, owning property, health and education? It does not make sense to say, “Oh no, education, that’s different,” because it all still falls under the declaration on human rights, of which the right to travel is one of. And this is just my personal quandary; I am sure there are many other unheard voices of dissent out there.

I am not asking my Asian counterparts to launch into a mass revolt, or to start denouncing one’s heritage—I am merely asking us to consider where we draw the line, and to be more conscious of it. It made me ache in my Women’s Studies class when many of my female (in terms of both sex and gender) classmates admitted to being marginalised, or treated as a second class citizen by their own families, even, because ‘that is the way things are’.

I do not doubt that true progress will come eventually. But real change takes time, and I encourage young women, and men, out there to stand their ground. Know your rights, because as Foucault said, (specialist) Knowledge is Power. When we are aware, we are empowered. And we should not hesitate to take a stand, even on an issue as seemingly insignificant as taking a holiday.

* the UNDHR is available here in case you felt like doing more reading.

 Bless you for persevering.