Re-reading yesterday’s post made me wonder, what if I really did have an eating disorder (just f.y.i., never had, never will have, unless it’s overeating), would anyone view it as a cry for help? It also brought to mind a heap of videos I watched on YouTube in escalating horror—short clips called ‘thinspos’ or ‘thinspirations’.

You can type those terms in and check it out for yourself. It was quite horrifying actually, because most of these homemade videos featured snapshots of really really skinny girls—celebrities such as Nicole Richie, one of the Olsen twins (I keep forgetting which) and Mischa Barton, alongside real girls who proudly show off their jutting hipbones, matchstick legs, clearly visible ribs and scrawny arms.

Inserted among the clips are dark words like how being thin is the only thing they aspire for, and how they wish they were ’strong like ana*’ (*anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder). These are most often accompanied by sad background music, which work together to really reinforce the point that these girls who watch or create these clips, feel so alone and that the only thing they can control is food. That solace lies in being in full control of one’s own body, using and objectifying the bodies of others to fuel their loneliness and obsession with thin-ness.

I’m not going to make any judgment calls here (though I will maintain that it is shocking to me, and deeply saddens me that they feel so alone because I can totally remember instances when I’d feel the same way), but just to merely say that I sincerely hope anyone out there would be truly happy with what they do, but not to the point of obsession.

I mean, we all want to be thin (ok, in my case, toned—because I can still wobble my flabby stomach around with the best of them) and fit, but at what cost? Isn’t your own well-being, emotionally, mentally and physically, precious enough? But baaah…the point of this isn’t to be preachy. I dunno what the point is, actually I’m tired and kinda sad thinking about it.

Just random thoughts bouncing about in my head.